Pols with Lolz: Women’s rights: true or false?

Bebe Santa-Wood, Political Columnist

I used to think that maybe I was crazy. Maybe the “war on women” was something that my over-thinking, anxious, fem-theory-obsessed brain had conjured up as a way to keep me up at night. But lately, I feel like I’m not overstating anything by saying that maybe, just a wee bit, just a tad, the U.S. government has gone a little crazy this year with restrictions on women and contraception, abortion, sex education, the right to get an unflattering tramp stamp, etc…
The Republican party could pick on Obama for anything (and I do mean anything; take your pick: the economy, Syria, taxes, spending, having the audacity to name a dog “Bo,” to give them a few ideas), but they decide to make wombs a priority.
The worst part is, Democrats aren’t exactly making any efforts to say something along the lines of “Oh hey, remember Roe v.Wade? Remember how we love freedom? Maybe this is a little overstated?”  They seem pretty okay with not only the conversation, but also the real possibility of women losing existing rights. You know things are bad when Santorum accuses Romney of “supporting a woman’s right to choose.” I mean, I would be really sad if I lost my right to choose. Not only for choosing birth control, or the bestest abortions, but also my right to choose anything off of the value menu at Taco Bell. IT COULD BE NEXT, LADIES.
So in honor of Women’s History Month, Rick Santorum and my womb, here’s a fun game: guess which of these statements are true and which are false:
*Georgia is entertaining a potential bill that would make it illegal to have abortion after 20 weeks, even if the fetus is stillborn.
*Bills in Kansas and Arizona would make it legal to give false information to patients seeking abortion services.  *A similar bill in Oklahoma makes it legal to give false information to any woman about to get a butterfly-related tattoo.
*Women in Arkansas are now required to watch “Jurassic Park” before getting an abortion “just to remind you what awesome sh*t your unborn kid is totally gonna miss out on.”
*Popular comic Doonesbury was taken from many papers this week after having an abortion storyline.
*Family Circus faced similar reaction after a strip featuring Billy chasing a butterfly while searching for an abortion clinic in Kansas.
*A recent bill passed in Missouri enables a fetus to run for state legislature.
*More than half of all Americans live in states that feature some kind of restriction on women’s access to health care.
*Musical artist Chris Brown was invited to an official White House event as part of the celebratory activities for Women’s History Month.
*Republican leadership in Senate is having serious concerns over renewing the existing Violence Against Women Act.
*The Women’s Health Program in Texas, which insures more than 300,000 women has been completely cut off of funding.
*A potential bill in Arizona would allow employers to deny you birth control coverage if it is used to prevent pregnancy.
*Mitt Romney has vowed to “get rid” of Planned Parenthood.
*Santorum went one step further saying he would “get rid” of The Jersey Shore, Medicaid and “that stuck up b*tch in class who gave you the stink eye last week.”