DENA WINTER, Sex Columnist
Welcome back, Beloiters! Whether your summer vacation was full of romance and getting laid, or more like that one uncomfortable moment in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” this semester is a clean slate. My hope is that, in my hot, new column, “Warm in the Winter,” you will find entertainment as well as really solid sex info. You can look forward to more tips, interviews, advice*, sex culture updates, and general sexplorations in issues to come. Because let’s be real, who doesn’t love sexplorations? For now, here are:
20 Tips for a More Satisfying Sex Life
1. Never trust “Cosmo.”
2. Orgasms are awesome, but the best part about sex is everything that leads up to it. Slow the f*ck down!
3. Winking at someone is a profoundly effective flirtation tactic.
4. Al Green’s “Greatest Hits” album: Good idea when you’re dating, bad idea when you’re friends with benefits.
5. “We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” – John Waters
6. In the words of Dan Savage, be GGG (Good, Giving, and Game)!
7. Everyone has exes; don’t stress that your lover has had other lovers. Jealousy is both a waste of energy and annoying.
8. Listen. (The Beyoncé song and the verb).
9. Being comfortable in your own body makes you 9,798,374 times sexier.
10. No glove, no love. Alternatively, don’t be a fool, cover your tool.
11. Just because you read “Fifty Shades of Grey” doesn’t mean you know everything about BDSM.
13. “Yeah, I didn’t plan on giving him any, but after seven months of attempting to make me feel bad for not being attracted to him, I eventually got so turned on by his perpetual guilt trips that I finally decided to have sex with him,” said nobody, ever.
14. Yes, the G-spot exists.
15. Orgasms can cure menstrual cramps. The more you know…
16. I’m sorry, but food and sex just do not mix. I don’t know where that rumor got started. It’s sex, not a Katy Perry music video.
17. On second thought, Nutella is delicious.
18. Don’t compare your genitals to those of porn stars.
19. Variety is the spice of (sex/love) life.
20. I hate to use a cliché, but being yourself is seriously the best. Embrace your unique preferences and kinks because when you meet someone who grooves with you it will be mind-blowing.
*Questions pertaining to sex/relationships that you want answered in my column? You can anonymously send me your question via campus mail (Box 1896), email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or talk to me in person! I don’t bite! Unless you’re into that.*