SEAN LITTLE, Diabetic
It’s that time of year again. School is coming to a close, the weather is getting more beautiful by the minute, and Beloit College students are heading home for the summer. That means that pick-up basketball season has also started at your local playground or park. Here are five key things to remember about the etiquette of pick-up basketball:
1. No one cares how you played “back in the day.” You’re not even 25 yet, so if you used to be good at basketball, you should still be good at basketball. Remembering the “glory days” is really only fun for you, the rest of us just want you to check the ball so we can play.
2. This is pick-up basketball, not the NBA. If you’re playing against someone who still double dribbles, you should probably win handily without calling them for it. Call only very hard fouls and obnoxious travels. If you ever feel the urge to call a three second violation, leave the court immediately. And don’t come back. Ever.
3. Reggie Miller, Michael Jordan, and Larry Bird are three of the greatest players of all time. They are also three of the greatest trash talkers in the history of the game. If you are not one of the three aforementioned basketball legends, do not trash talk your opponent. Unless of course you’ve known this opponent forever and his jump shot is broke. Trash talking is funny with your friends. Trash talking is a great way to get your lip busted with strangers.
4. I really like that commercial of all the kids doing Michael Jordan’s most famous moves during pick-up basketball games. I really hate it when people try to do it against me. That goes for all legendary plays. Do not try the Dr. J reverse lay-up from behind the backboard. Don’t sky hook from the middle of the lane. Really the only acceptable move of this form is if you pull up from 30 feet and shout, “Jimmer!”
5. Finally, throw as many alley-oops, behind the back passes, and no-lookers as possible. Everyone knows that making a sweet pass is cooler than scoring in the eyes of the pick-up basketball legends.