SASHA DEBEVEC-MCKENNEY, Opinions Editor
I love Beloit in real life, but sometimes I love Beloit on the Internet a lot more. On Twitter, Beloit is even weirder, even more observant, and even better at making fun of itself. The following is an analysis of the five most popular, anonymously written Twitter accounts that make fun of life at Beloit College. Since we can no longer bond collectively over @athi_brah, I wanted to bring to your attention some of the other oddly compelling Twitter accounts Beloit has to offer.
Sometimes, things that are silly deserve a critical look — if only to challenge them to up their game and in order to push them to strive to be funnier.
Beloit Hipster is the original Beloit parody Twitter account. Beloit Hipster is a character — he lives in Art House and moves among us like a plaid-clad ghost. He sees all, he hears all, and he speaks for all.
BEST TWEET: A tie between “WWSBD: What Would Spencer Bible do?” and “Today I bought one of John Winklemann’s old sweaters at Goodwill. Finally something to talk about w/ him other than my alcohol poisoning.” The tweets speak for themselves.
FOLLOW IT OR FORGET IT? Follow it. The more attention he gets, the more hipster he becomes.
Beloit Mainstream is the original @athi_brah — their tweets are often offensive, nonsensical, and cringe-worthy. The difference is that @athi_brah did the offensive/nonsensical/cringe thing with charm, and in a funny way. Beloit Mainstream is motivated by hate, and @athi_brah was just innocently wandering around. Anyways, the point is, Beloit Mainstream was supposed to be the answer to Beloit Hipster, but mostly it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Half of me wants to know really badly who Mainstream Beloit is, and half of me wants them to stay anonymous so they don’t embarrass themselves.
BEST TWEET: “I feel like an extra in Portlandia.” I like this tweet because, unlike many other Mainstream Beloit tweets, it could be original — not just random hipster jokes from the Internet.
FOLLOW IT OR FORGET IT? Forget it. Or, follow it ironically until @
athi_brah returns, and then forget it.
Beloit Grandpa has the funniest concept of any of these parody accounts. If I were Beloit Grandpa, I would try harder to stay in character, because, when they do, it’s great. Basically, imagine a “Strangers with Candy” situation but with a Grandpa instead of Jerri Blank and at Beloit College instead of at a high school. And imagine if, for some reason, Res Life placed that Grandpa in Aldrich. Beloit Grandpa: the sky is the limit.
BEST TWEET: “I’m not sure whether I donated plasma or went in for dialysis?”
FOLLOW IT OR FORGET IT? Follow it, obviously.
Once upon a time, some dude made up a parody Twitter account about Rahm Emanuel’s mayoral run. Then, somebody here kind of copied that idea and, temporarily, tweeted as if Rahm was a Beloiter.
BEST TWEET: “had to f*cking meet with winkleman [sic] about swearing in class. threw a chair out his window. am now director of res life.” Its good because it makes you laugh while also making you realize how easy we have it director-of-res-life-wise. Can you imagine if Rahm Emanuel were the Director of Res Life? Oh, you don’t want to imagine that? Neither do we.
FOLLOW IT OR FORGET IT? Forget it. I have an inkling this account was started, and then abandoned, by somebody who has since graduated from our institution. If so, maybe they’re onto bigger and better things and no longer has time for dumb parody Twitter accounts. If not, I think Rahm Emanuel has the potential to be the devil’s advocate this campus has needed for a while.
I like This Is Beloit because, somehow, they tend to air on the side of the objective. This Is Beloit is an equal-opportunity parody account. They embrace the weirdness that is Beloit in all of its form. They observe, love, and share. It’s really beautiful. This Is Beloit may get a little corny, but doesn’t Beloit just bring out the sap in all of us sometimes?
BEST TWEET: “At gas station. Saw the trunk pop and a kid came out. Watched him buy beer and get back in. Beloit, you are my favorite. #ThisisBeloit” FOLLOW IT OR FORGET IT? Follow it, especially because it sounds like the person who runs it is about to graduate. But even if they are about to leave, you could always follow just incase you get Beloit-sick and need to go back through their Tweets for nostalgia’s sake.