HANA SKOBLOW, Staff Writer
• Stunningly attractive feminist love of everyone’s lives Ryan Gosling just got even more incredible: he saved a woman from a moving car. Last year he broke up a street fight in New York and we all thought he was just a good Samaritan. Now, obviously he is a superhero. Journalist Laurie Penny tweeted about it immediately after, still swooning: “I literally, LITERALLY just got saved from a car by Ryan Gosling. Literally. That actually just happened.” He is literally, LITERALLY the perfect man.
• A new birth control for men has been released! With a 100 percent success rate and a duration of ten years (though it can be reversed), Vasalgel or RISUG (Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance) should be wildly popular except for one inconvenient flaw: the birth control is administered via a penis shot. For fifteen minutes, a gel-based substance is injected directly into the penis, coating the walls of the vas deferens and killing all the sperm that crosses its path. Is a few minutes of penis pain worth avoiding an unplanned pregnancy? That’s up to you to decide.
• Everything’s bigger in Texas and the administration at one hospital there has had enough. Citizens Medical Center instituted a new policy mandating that all employees have a body-mass index of less than 35, the highest BMI constituting moderate obesity. Is this because Citizens Medical Center wants to encourage their employees health? No. Not at all. Rather, the administration thinks obese workers will be a distraction for hospital patients. Hospital chief executive David Brown goes on to say, “The majority of our patients are over 65, and they have expectations that cannot be ignored in terms of personal appearance.” Because discrimination on weight is not illegal in Texas, the hospital is within legal bounds, but they are still assholes.
• Taking the “I-have-a-girlfriend-in-Canada” classic to new heights, the freshly-launched Girlfriendhire.com now lets sad people pay a woman to act as a girlfriend. Need to prove it to your friends? She’ll comment on your Facebook, send you flirty texts and re-tweet your Twitter posts. Being a completely sad sack isn’t the only reason to get a fake girlfriend, though – you could also make an ex jealous, play a prank on your friends by “dating” someone surprising, get female advice for dating women or even pay someone to do your homework.
• 98 Degrees is going on tour this summer! No elaboration necessary.
Source: Nerve, Huffington Post, Texas Tribune