Top Ten

LOUIS BRUNEAU, Contributor

Top Ten Shrek Fanfics As Chosen By The Class of 2014:

10. Shrek Only It Is Set In The Saw Universe

9. Shrekurday Night Fever

8. Star Shrek IV: The Wrath of Farquaad’s Ghost

7. Donkey Kills Shrek (18+)

6. Harry Potter & Shrek (In Three Volumes)

5. Shrek Has Two Mommies

4. The 120 Days Of Shrek

3. Shrek Joins The National Guard

2. Shrek Swears A Lot For No Real Reason

1. Shrek Comes To My School And Beats Up Jasper Thompson

Beloit College’s Top Ten Favorite Drinks And/Or Nirvana Albums:

10. Ripple

9. Decaffeinated Tab

8. Franzia [White]

7. Wet Shirt Squeezings [Local]

6. Four Loko [Taupe Flavor]

5. Split Pea Soup & Ouzo

4. Franzia [Red]

3. V8 Fusion [Carrot-Kiwi Blast Flavor]

2. Corn Mash Liquor

1. Bleach

Top Ten Places Beloit College Students Can Stick It:

10. Back on the shelf where they found it

9. Out the window, for the love of all that is holy!

8. The Outgoing Mail slot

7. In their ears

6. Not in the dog, that’s for sure

5. In their eyes

4. Up their butt and around the corner

3. Inside a tiny box

2. Into a wazoo or wazoos

1. On the upper right hand side of the envelope

Top Ten Reasons You Should Go The BFJ Gala:

10. When’s the last time someone like you got invited to a gala?

9. You want to appear cultured in order to attract a mate

8. All of your favorite professors will be present! (Only applies to students whose favorite professor is Chris Fink)

7. If you don’t, I’ll cry until I throw up

6. The newspaper told you to

5. No clowns there, guaranteed

4. You really don’t have anything better to do. I know. I followed you around.

3. I will bring my parrot

2. Special guest appearances by J.R. Salinger and John Sternbeck

1. Afterwards, we’re all going to Disneyland



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