LOUIS BRUNEAU, Contributor

Top Ten Reasons Why Beloit Students Believe in Democracy For America:

10. Other forms of government involve too much human contact
9. Can’t help selves, love shouting platitudes about freedom
8. Enticed by excited man in suit covered with question marks
7. Were promised free money
6. Heavily invested in company that manufactures refrigerator magnets bearing Winston Churchill quotations
5. Anarcho-syndicalism doesn’t roll off the tongue quite so nicely
4. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right?
3. Feel the illusion of choice is better than no choice
2. Not as much fun to write-in “Hugh Jass” on Finnish ballot
1. Thought you said Democrats

Top Ten Ways Eggs Are Prepared At Commons During Brunch Any Given Saturday:

10. Under hard
9. Whole, dunked in water
8. Ostriched
7. Frazzled, with mushrooms
6. Chicken-fried
5. Hard-boiled, inside whole onion
4. Cooked?
3. Saladified
2. Corned
1. Nicely toasted (like me, lmao)



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