HANA SKOBLOW, Staff Writer
• Obama announced a new compromise with religiously affiliated institutions in regards to birth control. Beginning Aug. 1, hospitals and universities with a religious affiliation will not be required to cover contraceptives for their employees; the insurance companies will instead be required to do so with no extra charge. The plan was created to keep women’s health initiatives intact while still supporting religious liberties.
• In a feat of Spaceballs-like incredulity, the Syrian president’s computer was hacked, compromising the inboxes of 78 of Bashar al-Assad’s staff. How did the hacker pull of such an incredible feat? Assad’s password was “12345.” Not joking. The president of Syria’s password may be one of the least secure combinations of all time. As Dark Helmet put it, “That’s the stupidest combination I’ve ever heard! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!”
• A bill legalizing same-sex marriage passed in Washington on Feb. 9. After passing the State Senate last week, the bill passed in the House with a 55-43 vote. Washington is officially the eighth state to recognize same-sex marriage.
• Some people dream of being proposed to via Megatron, in front of their families, on a cruise, or in the place where the couple shared their first kiss. For those of us who have always wanted to pop the question in a Pizza Hut, dreams are coming true. Pizza Hut is offering a Valentine’s Day engagement special. For $10,010, customers will receive a limo service, a bouquet of flowers, a ruby engagement ring, a fireworks display, and a photographer and videographer to capture the moment your sweetheart says “yes” (unless, of course, he/she doesn’t because you proposed in a Pizza Hut). But that’s not all! After the engagement is official, the happy couple gets to chow down on a Dinner Box, including “a medium one-topping rectangular pan pizza, five breadsticks with marinara sauce and 10 cinnamon sticks with a sweet icing cup.” Does it get any more romantic?
• Nine-year-old Lenny Bowlin was suspended from St. Stanislaus this week for “gross misconduct” during his school’s annual lip-sync fundraiser. Bowlin performed a rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean,” complete with the famous groin grab that offended the school’s principal. Bowlin was immediately and indefinitely suspended. The school later issued an apology to all faculty, staff and families for the act. At St. Stanislaus, gross misconduct is defined as any action that “creates a substantial and unjustifiable risk of harm to another person or serious damage to the property of the school or another person, or conduct with substantially impairs the discipline and order of the school environment,” AKA crotch grabbing.
• In a recent interview with the Daily Telegraph, Joan Rivers revealed that she has undergone 739 plastic surgery procedures. The 78-year-old joked that she gets plastic surgery so often that for every 10 procedures she receives, the doctor gives her one for free. However, Rivers is still too nervous to get a tattoo.
Sources: CNN, TechDirt, Nerve, Daily Telegraph