Sports

Baseball Boyfriend: Why?

SASHA DEBEVEC-MCKENNEY, Opinions Editor

Recently, CBSSports released a sexist twist on regular ole fantasy baseball called Baseball Boyfriend. According to the website, “You collect points based on your ‘boyfriend’s’ stats for the day.” It’s essentially fantasy baseball, but easy, so, like, girls can use it. As a woman, a baseball fan, and a woman baseball fan, I find Baseball Boyfriend offensive. Here’s why:

1. It implies that fantasy baseball is too difficult for girls. Maybe I’m a creative writing major, maybe I failed math twice in high school, whatever. That doesn’t mean I can’t understand statistics and strategy. If fantasy baseball were super easy then it wouldn’t be as popular as it is. Why try to fix something that isn’t broken?

2. It implies that women would value attractiveness over athletic ability, which is ridiculous. I grew up on the East Coast, surrounded by rabid Yankees fans, and not once did I ever think to myself: Derek Jeter does not deserve that Gold Glove because he’s sooo ugly. Instead, I thought: Derek Jeter did not deserve that Gold Glove because he’s losing his range and he had twelve-billion errors and can’t stop doing that stupid thing where he jumps and throws at the same time for no g*ddamn reason.

3. It implies that I would ever, ever, want to date a major league baseball player (or that they would want to date me). Why can’t it be Baseball Friend-With-Benefits? Or Baseball One-Night-Stand? Baseball Boyfriend cannot just assume I want to be in a loving committed relationship with a string of jocks for an entire baseball season.

4. It implies that women only understand baseball, and sports in general, in terms of how attractive the men who play it are. I could go on about this, but I’ll just say—I skipped school and/or pretended to be throwing up so I could listen to the MLB playoffs on the radio. You can’t see hotness through the radio.

5. The way they marketed it is insulting. The idea is wrong on its own, but adding hearts around the players’ heads and putting the stats on notebook paper makes it seem as if women only want to play fantasy baseball if it’s of equal or lesser difficulty than having a middle school crush.

6. They changed the website layout almost immediately— because they knew they were wrong. Now it says things like “Baseball Boyfriend was designed for people who are already really good at fantasy baseball.” (Even though it obviously wasn’t.)

7. It has an essence of creepy stalker to it. The mere thought of participating in Baseball Boyfriend is making me break out in restraining orders.

8. It makes fun of the idea that one might judge a player based on their attractiveness—which means going against your hunches. What I’m saying is, if the Mets had taken Scott Kazmir’s attractiveness into consideration, maybe they wouldn’t have traded him for Victor Zambrano in 2004. (Note: this analogy would have been better four years ago before Kazmir also started sucking. But you get the point.)

9. It makes me feel really guilty for owning a “Torii Hunter is my Boyfriend” T-shirt. Let me explain. I love Torii Hunter and I admire his fielding prowess and general attitude towards life and I wouldn’t mind if he brought said prowess and attitude into my life/pants. I watched the Twins get swept out of the ALDS a lot, and no matter how painful that was, I was proud to be a fan of a team led by Torii Hunter. Okay, whatever, he’s really hot. But good at catching things, too.

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