Opinion

The Joy of…Porn

Dear Joy,
Recently, on a particularly slow weekend at Beloit, my guy and I decided to watch some porn.  We thought it would give us some new ideas, and spice things up a bit.  I chose a Sasha Grey porno, and everything was going well until she whipped out pig noses.  Like, the plastic snouts you put over your face when you’re five.  By this point, we were also having sex, and it was a complete buzz kill, really awkward and distracting.  Is it just a bad idea to watch porn with your partner?
Where can I find some decent stuff?
Sincerely,
The Curious Poet.
Dear My Deep and Brooding Poet,
Please tell me you at least laughed when Sasha Grey put her pig nose on!  The whole thing sounds very Beloit-esque to me…as for a cozy Saturday night in with some porn and popcorn, I think Sasha Grey is where you went wrong.  All I can think of is that Tyra Banks episode that was always on when I came home from high school.  It’s a sad forty minutes of Tyra desperately trying to get Grey to burst into “oh-shit-I’m-a-porn-star-and-miserable” tears and it’s a huge failure.  Grey is cocky, confident and, like, 17.
Since you’re making this a couple activity, why not ask your partner what he or she would like to watch?  This could be a shared remote control experience—you could browse the different genres together (try “amateur” if you’re afraid of the boobs that don’t move and the hairless balls, or “tentacle rape” if you’re both in the mood to gawk).
Also, you might want to hold off on having sex until it’s nearly over, that way you can be 100 percent present with each other.   Trying to watch and perform at the same time is like trying to pat your head and rub your belly— it’s too much.
If you’d like, you could also spend an hour or two on your own, browsing different videos until you find one that suits your fancy.  Tell your lover to do the same—it could be a show and tell.  Good luck!
Love,
Joy

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