By Joy Belamarich
It’s the holidays y’all, and you know what that means: parting with your beloved lover/hook-up/special study buddy to return to a cold bed and a neat room that your mom cleaned and organized once again. You have lots of Parcheesi games and awkward cousin conversations in your future, along with that empty bed and its really clean sheets.
You’ve had a few dry text exchanges with your special Beloit buddy here and there, but there’s nothing really to say. And now you’re sitting in your living room with your dog Franko or your cat Jezebel, sipping on a glass of your parents wine (and it’s fancy sh*t … compared to Crane Lake), and there’s only one thing you want for Christmas: skype sex. Skex, as it’s called. You’ve never actually done it but you’re pretty sure your roommate does it with his/her signiﬁcant other during your long day. It may be really weird, but you’re still curious by this twenty-ﬁrst century phenomenon. After all, it could be thrilling, right?
Before you embark on this camera-to-camera action, there are a few things to consider: Your own genitals reﬂected back at you from your computer screen could be a little shocking, so either test it out beforehand or opt for the more modest approach by keeping the camera above your mid section. Lock your door and make sure no relatives are near. Might be an obvious one, but NOTHING could be worse than Grandma Gigi popping in with a plate of her freshly baked macaroons only to discover the situation at hand.
Lastly, be prepared to laugh. Poor connection mixed with frozen screens and triple eyes (and nipples) is pretty unavoidable, so bring along a sense of humor for the ride. At least you don’t have to worry about queefs! Happy Holidays.