If I Only Had A Blog…

By Bert Connelly

I don’t want to get y’all too hung up on this intro because we have a lot to get to this week. This is a big week for my fake blog; I come bearing some golden tracks, common sense and a little myrrh. This week’s edition is getting biblical.


Rock & Roll Hall of Fame:

Once I graduated from middle school and entered a world where the subject matter of rock & roll was slightly more applicable to my real life, it began to dawn on me that this entire museum is just an excuse for old party buddies to get together and masturbate to how cool they used to be. This year, the museum nominates some people whose music I actually grew up with into the circle (jerk). NPR is running a great article on this, with YouTube links to a bunch of songs from the artists in this year’s class, so I will spare you the full summary. But shouts out to Guns n’ Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Eric B. & Rakim, The Cure, The Beastie Boys & Joan Jett. Side Note: that is the first time the words, “shouts out to Guns n’ Roses,” have ever been used in that particular order.

J. Cole – Cole World: The Sideline Story

As much as it hurts me, I have no one to blame other than Drake for the recent abundance of rappers putting out the obligatory it’s-about-damn-time-that-I’m-famous-album. If he didn’t cultivate it, he at least paved the path for dudes like Big Sean, whose freshman release is (literally) titled “Finally Famous,” Wale, and now J. Cole. It sucks because Cole put out two great mixtapes before this album. A first album used to be an opportunity to tell your story, stunt your originality and flex your spitting muscles but J. Cole is already preoccupied by sitting in first class. I’m just saying it seems contrary to have a major label release about how no one believed in you, because clearly someone – in Cole’s case, Jay-Z – did. He is still a versatile rapper and he gets kudos for producing a lot of the tracks on here, but Drake’s “Take Care” comes out in less than a month and you can wait for that, can’t you?

Blink-182 – Neighborhoods

This summer my friends got black out drunk and went to a Blink-182 concert. I wasn’t invited. Anyways, Blink-182 has a new album out because, I guess, they haven’t finished sleeping with teenage girls. It would be a lie if I told you that I listened to this entire album – I “tried” but the site I was on was just streaming partial cuts of every song – but fear not, because if you are at all familiar with Blink-182 then you already know whether or not you will like “Neighborhoods.”

Iggy Azalea – Ignorant Art

Here are some keywords to put this critique in perspective: female rapper, Australian, white girl, talent. If this is the first time you are hearing the name Iggy Azalea I can almost guarantee it won’t be the last. It’s a pretty good time to be a woman in the rap game right now, I guess. People are going to make the obvious comparisons to contemporary female rappers Nicki Minaj and Kreayshawn, but this is some other sh*t. What we have on our hands on this mixtape is a rapper going in over awesome beats and seriously, just not giving a fig. Lyrics so dirty they would make Earl put his sweatshirt back on. Key Tracks: “Drugs,” “Hello,” and “Treasure Island.”

Youth Lagoon – The Year of Hibernation

I found very little background info on Youth Lagoon, so that ends this part of the review. The album itself is a great little (8 song) indie-pop record that is pregnant with airy vocals, chilled out fades (omg, sick band name), and near impossible to understand lyrics. It’s catchy and probably sounds equally great at very low and very high volumes, a testament to the expert production. I recommend “Afternoon,” “Posters,” and “Cannons.” Keep in mind this is, like, super hip so if you are going to play it loud, be ready to get called out on your flannel.

Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire – Lost in Translation

“F*ck a throne. Watch a project bench covered in pigeon sh*t.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah this has been out for a decade in internet years. Sue me.

Mishka is a hella hip clothing brand based in New York City that also does work in music business. They have their fingers in various hipster pies – their blog claims that MDMA can cure cancer – which includes releasing mixtapes on the regular. Recently, they have put out a Main Attrakionz tape and two Das Racist joints. Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire marks their most recent product. I recommend checking out the crazy album artwork, the music video with Das Racist, Danny Brown, El-P and Despot, and then downloading the whole tape. Joints: “Huzzah (Remix),” “Maltese Falcon Pt. 1 & Pt. 2,” and “Lou Ferigno’s Mad.”

Song of the Week:

Gilbere Forte featuring Big K.R.I.T. – “Black Soul”

Peep this track. If you are a fan of either artist, you will not be disappointed. If you just read this entire article and don’t know where to begin, this might be a good jumping off point.



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