How to Write Entertainment

By Bert Connelly

Word, welcome to the Arts & Entertainment section of your Beloit College Round Table. I hope that together we can make this as pleasurable a journalistic experience as possible for one another. So basically, SEND ME YOUR STUFF.

I have the unique (and exclusive) privilege of being able to publish just about anything I want under the ruse of it being “art” or “entertaining,” so help me take advantage of this loophole that I found in the “system.” I am DTP (down to publish/print) poetry, short fiction, series stories, 6-word stories, out of context professor quotes, hats off/fuck offs, movie reviews (for which I can even reimburse you), concert reviews, album reviews, party reviews, beer and wine reviews, hot or nots, crossword puzzles, word searches, fuckin’ Sudoku, riddles, horoscopes, viral video reviews, restaurant reviews, close up pictures of nature and so much more.

I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t give a shit, I want to give the biggest shit and put it in the paper every Friday and I want your help. This is a student paper and thus it is a reflection of the student body as a whole. You, your friends, the kid you made friends with during freshman week but then they turned out to be a total dick/start doing a bunch of face drugs/never actually got their number/you had an awkward hookup with can help make this the best paper it can be.

An English teacher once taught me that you should never end a paper with a quote, but then he had to go jail for some child pornography stuff so here it goes. In the immortal words of Jim Breuer’s character from Half Baked, “Who’s coming with me? Who’s coming with me, man? Who’s coming with me?”



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