The 2012 Primary Pool is Scary, Fool

Baby Donald Trump proves that he is homemade. IMAGE BY ERIK MAGNUSON

By Ian Hedges

Why are Republicans announcing that they are ready to take back the presidency already? Didn’t we just elect Barack Obama two and a half years go?

In the last several weeks, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty, and Congressmen Ron Paul have announced that they are forming presidential exploratory committees. In the coming months, we might hear presidential aspirations from Michelle Bachman, Sarah Palin, and Donald Trump. Did I mention there is a certain Tea-Party-supporting-CEO of a pizza company who would like to try out the Oval Office? The general public is imagining the looniest candidates as serious contenders for Republican presidential nomination.

There is the most-widely discussed presidential candidate of the new decade: Sarah Palin. Okay, no one is taking her seriously, but they are taking Michelle Bachman, or faux-Palin, pretty seriously. The media has cited her ability to raise the most money out of any candidate ($2.2 million) as a sign of her promising future in the 2012 presidential race. I’m going to cross her off my list because she does not know the state where the Battle of Concord took place. She also believes that “death panels” actually exist, and that Obama’s Department of Treasury wants to take away the dollar as our country’s currency.

We then look to Donald Trump. He kept insisting last week that President Obama was not born in the United States because he had investigators in Hawaii scrambling to see if Obama was, in fact, born in Hawaii. The man is not only a self-obsessed spokesman for racism, but he congratulates himself when he is wrong. Trump still would not accept that Obama was from the US when Obama went on national television to show his birth certificate. Instead, he congratulated himself for making Obama respond to a “very serious issue” of Obama’s presidency. Trump then insinuated that President Obama could not have possibly gone to Columbia or Harvard because he says he has heard that “Obama got bad grades in school.” I wonder if Donald Trump asked the same thing about George W. Bush, our former president who would spittle up anytime a word had more than three syllables.

I am not concerned about you, Beloit. I know that, like me, you think that these Republicans have bizarre behaviors. Let me emphasize that I am not trying to propagate hate speech against all Republicans— after all, there’s a gay Republican dude named Fred Karger running for president. I am just concerned that we think these things are funny, but we are not considering the things that are not so hilarious. How about we discuss that our economy could sink into a depression in less than a month if Republicans do not lift the debt ceiling? More importantly, we are part of a culture in which future politicians are announcing their presidential aspirations on reality television while sitting next to Meatloaf and Lil’ John. We are in a time period when blatant racism is commanding the airwaves over serious policy concerns. Beloit, if this continues, we are f*cked.



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