If I Only Had a Blog…


By Bert Connelly

Chiddy freestyles for nine straight hours:

I did not watch or listen to this, partially because I refused and partially because no one pays me to write this column (yet). Writing about something I don’t care about/have super limited knowledge of has become something of a specialty so here goes nothing. Ahem. For nine consecutive hours Chiddy, of Chiddy Bang fame, rapped about whatever was going on in his head. If you or me had done this they would have shipped us off to Shutter Island and lobotomized us because that is something that a crazy person would do, but since he is a famous rapper the line is blurred. I’m sure the words “bottles” and “models” were used in conjunction with each other, as well as “drank” and “thank”. I would put money on the fact that he grunted to kill time, and that the majority of the stunt was incoherent. I am equally sure that no mention was made of the living room decorum that Chiddy’s Yiddish grandmother laid out for Purim.

Odd Future TV show:

If you are unfamiliar with Odd Future (OFWGKTA) then I suggest you stop reading this right now and Google them. If you are unfamiliar with Google then I suggest you stop reading this right now and take a long walk off a short pier. Anyways, the hip-hop/skate/art/entertainment collective based out of LA is making a TV show for Cartoon Network’s block of time reserved for the exceptionally stoned, known to the employed world as Adult Swim. Their show will be called “Blackass” and has been described as a combination of “Jackass” and “Chappelle’s Show.” I can guarantee only two things; that it will bee offensive and sophomoric, and that I will love it. Tyler, the Creator, the crew’s de facto leader has recently been messing around with some character sketches that can be seen on their website. Again, consult the Google for more information.


“South Park” opened its latest season by poking fun at my favorite cinematic experience to date and my favorite douche-dar trigger, simultaneously. I have nothing else to say on the subject other than I think it’s funny to see that written out.

(O)The (M)Royal (G)Wedding:

Unless you live under a stupid rock you have heard about the Royal Effing Wedding that is happening at something like 4 am our time. I care because it is infrequent that someone who is essentially nothing but a symbol and figurehead gets married to someone who is famous because they are marrying the aforementioned person. The last sentence was a lie. I don’t care. You should not care with me! Here is my plan: I’m going to set my alarm for the approximate time they are tying the knot, wake up, become angry when I cannot remember why I set my alarm so early, remember, become even angrier and then go back to sleep dreaming for a quickie divorce.

“John (If I Die Today)” by Lil’ Wayne featuring Rick Ross – Video:

This is the second single to be released from Lil’ Wayne’s adjective awaited “Tha Carter IV” album. The song, which features weird references to John Lennon, suggests that Lil’ Wayne lives in Alaska, and reuses a hook from a different Rick Ross song, is ok to mediocre. The video, on the other hand, is nothing short of ridiculous. In it, Wayne hops around a microphone wearing a Red Sox hat and a Yankees chain, which does everything short of scream, “I AM NOW A POP STAR AND HAVE NO INTENTION OF ALIENATING ANY FANS EVEN THROUGH MY PSUEDO-ALLEGIANCE TO BASEBALL TEAMS.” Also, for some reason Rick Ross is in a wheelchair for a lot of this video despite no prior history of Polio or other spinal ailments. Sadly, this makes Ross ineligible to receive a degree from Beloit College due to the handicapped inaccessible nature of the campus.



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