Opinion

William Russell Yates Battles William Russell Yates on Aldrich Vandalism


IMAGE BY MACKENZIE KURTZ

by William Russell Yates
CONTRIBUTOR

It would be dialectical to say I am both for and against the recent vandalism of Aldrich. The attack of Feb. 22 carried with it a noble spirit, a quiet intention that has the latent potential to shake the institution’s foundations. Already we have a response, and it’s typically reactionary; Reslife is, I’d like to think, sh*tting its pants.

But it’s not sh*tting its pants for the right reasons, for those haven’t been provided yet. Aldrich (That obscene hall of decadence! That hotel with bellhops, wake-up calls, cocktail hours!) was hardly touched by the attack; as far as I’m aware, the building still stands. The strike bordered on the apolitical in its softness, in its comedy and silliness. The attack was conducted as if it were a thing of play, a mere romp among boys, flushing toilets and giggling, splashing merrily in the toilet water. No, this was not the right attack, but that’s not to say it’s not coming.

-W.R.Y.

Dear Reslife:

What’s your deal? Have you ever heard of artistic expression? I live in Aldrich. I get the e-mails. I see the: “Lounge furniture being turned over, placed on the elevator, moved elsewhere; food sprinkled on the carpet and/or floor; wooden chairs displaced; bathroom toilets intentionally clogged with wrappers, etc., and then flushed to the point of flooding the bathrooms; housekeeping materials (plungers, buckets) thrown around the bathrooms…”

And I’m like right on, man. Way to manipulate banal household items into a profoundly beautiful, interactive work of art, addressing the tyranny of quiet uniformity poisoning our nations’ core identity.

But you don’t see that, do you? No. You don’t. All you have to say is “stop destroying school property, stop disseminating bodily fluids, stop making foul, unnecessary work for an already maltreated and underpaid housekeeping staff.”

Blah, blah blah. You squares need to chill out. I mean, what’s next? Are you gonna insist that I wipe down the library printers after I make photocopies of my penis? F(*&ing fascists.

-W.R.Y.

William Russell Yates is an amalgamation of the thoughts and ideas of a William and a Yates.


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