By Bert Connelly
ARTS & ENTERMAINT EDITOR
So I’m sure some of you had interesting winter breaks or whatever. Oh, you kayaked the length of the Huang He? Cool. Yeah, I have heard Turks and Caicos is beautiful this time of year. Awesome. I can’t believe I’ve never played ragtime piano for recovering heroin addicts either. Brag about it. If you’re like me and feel that humanitarian, productive or industrious winter breaks are for the birds, then you probably got to know your couch a little better. And who is to say that this is unremarkable? Being lazy isn’t a sin. Oh, it is, is it? Not in my Bible. Whatever, water under the bridge. School is back and now is the time for much rejoicing. But once that gets old, and the familiar habits of procrastination come creeping back into view, you will need some way to sate that hunger. Look no further, people of leisure; here is your road map to relaxation and good times. As long as you, or anyone you know, has a Netflix subscription you will be set.
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE:
Since the dawn of cinema, directors have been trying to shed light on the universal human condition through the art of the moving picture. This film represents the apex of the art form, the defining work of the medium, the best idea since the Nike swoosh. On the surface, the movie is about a doctor who specializes in conjoined twin separation but would rather sew people together, ass-to-mouth, to create a human centipede. He is the elf that wanted to be a dentist. Along the way the doctor encounters many obstacles, such as finding volunteers for his cause and making friends. The doctor’s heartbreaking pursuit of perfection draws forth some of the most introspective moments ever captured to celluloid. 6 thumbs up.
This hilarious look into the lives of struggling young actors working at a party planning service in Hollywood is one of the most worthwhile television shows on Netflix. Seriously, make the investment to watch this show, then go on the Internet and complain about how it was cancelled. Oh, you have better things to do, do you? Shut up, nerd. Talk about injustice!
What do you get when you combine the undead, drunk German med-school students on a ski trip, and the tenants of National Socialism? Exactly. Top three moments from this movie: a dude cuts his own arm off with a chainsaw; a fat guy has sex with a hot girl (actual names, I think) on an outhouse toilet; and seeing Nazi Zombies get their heads cut off by a snowmobile. So entertaining, so enlightening.
WORLD’S MOST DANGEROUS DRUG:
“If you can make chocolate chip cookies, you can make crystal meth.” This documentary examines the pros and cons of crystal meth addiction. Critics have said that the movie focuses too much on the negative effects of smoking straight chemicals and does not highlight the positives such as missing teeth and vivid, panicked hallucinations. Despite the obvious bias, the movie is interesting, although not the best date movie.
EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP:
Incredible documentary about street art, directed by renowned street artist Banksy. This movie tells the story of a man who compulsively films everything in his life and through a random series of events becomes the official documenter of dozens of street artists as they tag various cities. The movie is provocative in that rumors have emerged regarding the legitimacy of the entire project; some people call it an elaborate prank by Bansky. Whether it is real or staged, the movie raises questions about the nature of art and the modern notion of the sell-out. Fascinating and engaging, this movie is not to be missed.
There is nothing worse than jonesin’ for procrastination and having no outlet for your fix. Well, now you have one. G-d bless the internet! Enjoy not doing your work and Nazi Zombies.